pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
