On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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