I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
