My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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