I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
