the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
