I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
