if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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