problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
