take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
