After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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