I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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