I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
