i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize