I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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