Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So drunk its hurt
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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