I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize