he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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