i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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