I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
