By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
