My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
