Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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