I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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