I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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