it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
