i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How does one acquire holy water?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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