found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
