Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
