I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
