Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
