i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
