Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
