I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
