So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
