Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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