I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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