You can't motorboat a personality
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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