If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
