I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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