can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
