seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
