TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
