Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
