hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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