you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
