break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
