I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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