You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
