I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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