Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I will be naked everywhere
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
