there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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