she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize