I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
