I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
