im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
