He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
