Little spoons don't ask big questions
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
