The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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