my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
