Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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