Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
